So, you’re checking me out… and for some totally unfathomable reason, you can't decide whether I go in the “auto-delete,” "friends," or the "potential girlfriend if you're extremely lucky" category. (Hint: It's 'You're Lucky') Haha, I'm ok with that. I know that in the end, friends make better ...everything... anyway. Give me 5 minutes to convince you.
Here’s the deal; I’m a nice girl. I’m smart, funny, pretty cute, and I know what I'm looking for, most of the time. I won't lie, sometimes I forget what I'm doing and have to backtrack...to another room...to remember what I was looking for... Wait, what? ;)
So, in the spirit of enjoying life to the fullest, I've decided I’m going to give “proper online interaction protocols,” the big F you, and try something else. Frankness, mixed with humor.
So, let's pretend that we've just met somewhere (In Real Life, holy s**t!) and that maybe I've had an ego-boosting beer or two, which I do sometimes... I've been known to be shy. Maybe I just felt that whatever-it-is that made me walk up and start a conversation with you just because you might be fun to talk to.
Why am I not actually in a bar, you may ask? Why are YOU not in a bar? (Or are you in a bar? Sometimes I forget you can now bring your entire life with you everywhere via phone, because, well, its just crazy) Hey, I like bars. I’ve done some pretty stupid, memorable, and really, really fun things in them. But, I’m 36, not 22 anymore. I met my ex-husband in a bar when I was 22; now we live in different states and he has my dog, my truck, and my blender. (Insert kitschy country music song ref. if you please but it is still true! Lol) Enough said.
But...these Matching web sites, oh please. It seems like more than half of the guys who are in my ‘matches’ pile are not really at all what I would pick for a “dial-a date.” And, even worse, neither am I right for them.
BUT, I actually read profiles (OMG!) often before I look at the rest of your pics, and it does seem like the vast majority of you might actually be a riot to just hang out with. Why not start with that and go from there?
Plus, even if WE don't click, you have (hopefully) other friends, who might someday be completely stricken with love for me even though you aren't, and vice versa. Remember how people used to meet back in the old days?
So, here’s my “I could be your most awesome new friend” pitch; Well, why the hell not? I AM an awesome friend! I have references! Besides, shared laughter is a fantastic and solid basis for lasting relationships of any type. I'll even make friends with girls (just friends, don't get any 'potential threesome' stars in your eyes) So, let’s crack each other up and go on from there.
And please, don’t give me that trite, “I already have enough friends” and 'I just want love' crap. Really? Dude, (yes, I occasionally still say dude) I know you are here on the internet just sure as shit that you’re going to find the love of your life/your soul mate/the One, ....and good luck to you on that score... really.
But also, most of you kind of just want to get in a hot girl’s pants. I get it! Well, not about girls’ pants, but you know what I mean.
So, take a chance, try an email (yes, an actual note, written just for/from you! Not a form letter!) Maybe you or I or your buddy Joe thinks the other has the potential to click as a friend (not ruling out lover or oh-my-god, best of all, both!) so just send a line or two... Why else are you here, if not to reach out? What have you got to lose by trying? Nothing, some pride maybe- but really? Not so much. Risk vs. reward.
Look, feel free to delete my email immediately (I won't think less of you, you wusses) but- you’ll be missing out. I am an interesting, smart, cool chick, and you'd be lucky to know me. Even if it turns out we're only compatible as friends. I'm really ok with that.
So, me... besides the fact that I'm absolutely not taking this too seriously... And neither should you! If you can’t have fun here, then where?
I'm not in a hurry; I feel there's no point in rushing headlong into situations where I might get hurt, or hurt someone else. So if you're expecting to just hop into either a) the sack, or b) a long term serious relationship, then I'm probably not the girl for you.
I’m actually a pretty nice girl from a good family. My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. (all at once admirable, mystifying, and wonderful)
I recently moved back to this area from the back-country (like redneck-y country) of Vermont, settling here just to be closer to my family; parents, sister, 3yr old niece and baby nephew- because I get the importance if having those you love the most close by. We just went bowling this weekend, it was hysterical. Ever been bowling with a 3 year old? I love kids. Kids are curious, funny, exhausting, wondrous little people. All my friends have kids; I’m the oddball without kids. I have a cat. Not the same.
This area of the Lehigh Valley/Phillipsburg is about as 'city' as I want to get, at least for now. My old porch view was of the Canadian border. Trust me, I'm good here. Ooh, bonus… I have a ½ gallon of REAL Vermont maple syrup in my pantry which I will be happy to share in exchange for pancakes, though I prefer French toast.
I'll never use it all since for some reason lately I mostly only eat cereal, and live by myself, and don't drink maple syrup like juice. But I won't hold it against you if you like Mrs Butterworth's fake maple instead. I'm open-minded like that.
What else? Oh, I have other stuff guys like; Self confidence! Cooking skills! I can take your raunchy jokes and honestly full on laugh at them! I'm a pretty amusing texting buddy. I have my own apartment, my own car, and I can read, write and speak English like it's my native language! (Oh, wait, it is: I was actually born in NJ)
I don't believe in love at first sight. Lust, yes; Mutual attraction, chemistry, that fantastic, thrilling electric jolt that goes sizzling from your brain all the way down your body,
Oh, Yes, Please.
Don’t lie, you do too. This...spark...Not really something that’s tangible except in person, so sorry, but there's actually a 0% chance you will see any of 'me' online so you can eye-handle the merchandise. No pre-sales!
I don't care how much money you make or where you buy your clothes as long as you can, and do, pay your bills and don't hit your friends up for money, just for maple syrup.
I won't pull punches. I'm not stuck in the past, relationship or other wise. I'm actually confused by the near-continuous use of the phrase "no drama," because I believe in personal responsibility and that ultimately, you create your own 'drama' by the choices you make yourself. If you consistently pick self centered, spoiled women who have never been anything but indulged by everyone in their lives- you’re just getting what you signed up for. Own it and move on.
….Unless, of course, your ex-love was an undiagnosed schizo bipolar manic depressive sociopath, and then you're off the hook. (And I'm really, really sorry!)
I'm making a considered and definite effort to be more outgoing and active from now on.
I'd like to learn new things, from new people, whether it be language, art, or music related, or how to ride a motorcycle, or the rules of football/hockey/soccer for dummies. (I'm the dummy in this scenario)
I’ve gone (and enjoyed) 4-wheeling, camping, fishing, snorkeling, dive bar hopping, you name it. I’m a well rounded kind of girl, in more ways than one! I can laugh at myself!
Most of my wardrobe consists of jeans, t-shirts and flip flops. I'm happy that way.
I’m pretty used to being around great, hard working guys covered in creosote, masonry dust, or other unknown goo, with worn out boots and worn-in jeans. All the guys I knew (and liked) in VT have trucks, dogs, facial hair, and tattoos, or some combination of the 4. I get it that your tools cost as much as your truck. I like trucks. I have fond memories of bench seats. I have a (small) tattoo. See, already we’re on the right track!
Bad news- I don't know jack about sports, but, I am willing to yell my head off in support of your team if you'll give me a crash course in who to cheer for!
I'm irreverent, bawdy, and am resisting the urge to make a snide comment at any given moment. Not so much resisting right now, though…
I’m willing to answer almost any question you have, within reason… but you have to ask me first.
So, WTF are you waiting for? You are missing out! I could be the most awesome friend+ you never knew you always wanted!
