Beginning Again

12/1/2012 10:10 AM So, here I am, sitting in my pajamas on my parent's couch under a down comforter, wearing fuzzy socks, and having no inclination to get dressed this morning. Age 36. No job, no house, nearly no cash. WOW.

This is NOT where I thought I'd be at this age when I was rather naively planning the rest of my life at some point in the far distant past! Although, in my defense, I'm pretty sure those plans were made a LONG time before I had any idea what I wanted out of my life! As I've recently come to realize, everything I thought I wanted when I was 25 was not actually what I really wanted.



Of course, I didn't know that. Man, that would have saved me a lot of time and heartache over the years, ha-ha. It was...more of an idea, an optimistic rose-tinted future of happily ever afters with 2 kids and a house and a husband that would be- well, perfect! Of course those ideals had no basis in the reality of 40+ hour workweeks, relationship tensions, job tensions, money worries, mortgage companies, and never feeling like I had enough time to do all the things I wanted. ~I realize this was regardless of actually having the time and just not using it in the ways I wanted to or should have!~ The truth is, I got lazy- about everything- well, maybe lazy isn't the right word for it...more complacent? Anyway, I realize now that I didn't put the effort into everything that I should have. And I know... hindsight is 20/20, and all that happy horseshit, but I knew it at the time, I just- ignored it. Went to bed, got up, went to work, got home, ate dinner, watched TV, went to bed and did it all again the next day. How fast time flies. I have no idea how so many years went by so quickly in this fashion. BUT, now things are gonna be different- I can feel it! Be back soon!