I also miss other things. My friends- a given. But, I am feeling incredibly supported by those same friends and my family- you guys rock!!- and other friends, friends of friends, random people on the street...
I miss our dog- Deke, who stayed with my ex in Vermont. Even though he is a big doofus golden retriever, he was my doofus.
I even miss pretty Lily, who is Jeff's only-rarely-affectionate cat, but when she is happy, it's pretty much like you're the most awesome person in the world.
And of course, I miss the ex. Although we just can't be an "us" anymore, there will always be love there. I can't just walk away from 15 years of our lives- 10 of them married to the big lout- without experiencing a myriad of feelings. Of course I can look back and see the good/happy/hysterically funny/warm/fuzzy times, but I remember the other not-so-happy parts too.
I think marriage is... an ever-changing situation. Sometimes- you just can't maintain your balance anymore. Sometimes your paths just split. I always thought that (me) getting divorced would be a huge personal failure, but I don't feel that way anymore.
I think sometimes the people that you are at that time- when you meet and fall in love- that those people aren't the same people you are meant to be when you grow up.
We made it work as long as we could but- at some point I think you're just punishing yourself and your spouse by refusing to admit you have what is commonly referred to as "irreconcilable differences" -which makes it impossible for BOTH of you to be happy at the same time. That's not fair to anyone.
So, I'm here, he's there, and we still talk or text nearly every day. But, I'm happier now than I have been in a long time, and since I am unemployed and technically homeless, I think that says a lot.
Enough for tonight. My eyes hurt. Time to veg. Yes, that's right- on the couch.
